Fantastic Beasts and How To Eat Them

Gelatinous Cube

A monster that many adventurers fear, and the most common people will never encounter. While it may look like it is as devoid of culinary value as it is of intelligence, looks can be deceiving. While the cube is infamous for its ability to paralyze and engulf targets into its acidic depths, these dangers can be quelled with a use of the Purify Food and Drink spell on the meat of a Gelatinous Cube after it has been defeated. Once cleansed, these flavors make it a worthwhile experience for the truly intrepid culinarians out there.

While the cube looks like a completely homogeneous being, there are two distinct sections: the interior and the exterior. The exterior has certain chemicals that are used to paralyze its foes before engulfing the victims it runs across. These give an interesting mouth numbing effect, similar to extremely spicy chilies, or peppercorns from the eastern lands. Furthermore, the after the cube dies, the exterior begins to dry out. If you are looking for a consistent, gelatinous texture throughout the jelly when served, it is important to butcher the cube quickly and either cook it, or pack it into airtight containers for preservation. Some chefs have also made dishes that take the hardening into account, creating chewy, mouth numbing jerky. 

The interior jelly is extremely acidic, causing an immediate puckering response from most who consume it. These days, some chefs have explored sweets that are based around the jelly.  This dish has become a massive hit with children in the cities, and a well preserve gelatinous cube can sometimes net adventurers more money than the loot they found otherwise in the dungeon. The jelly is also sometimes dried into a powder for use in flavoring other dishes. 

A warning for interested chefs: even after butchering and purification of the Cube, it is important to wear hand protection when working with the meat. While it may not be fatal, prolonged contact with soft skin can be extremely uncomfortable. Many cooks that haven’t heeded this warning and then touched their eyes or other sensitive area can attest that they learned not to make that mistake twice.

Gelatinous Cube Puckers:

After cleansing the jelly to dispel the poison and acidity, the interior jelly is scooped and then rolled into small balls, or molded into decorative shapes. It is important to wear proper hand protection during this process, although the jelly has been purified, the flesh is still so sour it can cause irritation to the skin after extensive contact. After shaping, the jelly is then steamed until a cohesive and elastic texture is attained. While hot, the jelly is then rolled through sugar. Finally, it is put out on racks and left to cool back down to room temperature. Some chefs have also included citrus zest or other fruit flavorings, and candy makers are constantly experimenting with new interesting flavor combinations. I even saw one with chili peppers and lime. Don’t judge it til you try it.

Gelatinous Cube Jerky:

Cut off the exterior of the cube into straight strips and then begin the purification process. It is important to shape this first, as the purification process does seem to remove some malleability from the exterior flesh after it is completed. These strips are seasoned with a mixture of salt and spices, with a variety of flavors ranging from peppers, to sweet herbs, to Dwarven and even Orcish spices. The strips are then pressed between wooden planks that are lined with leather. It is important that the interior jelly is completely scraped off before curing as even in a purified state, over the few days it takes to fully cure, the acidity can eat through the leather and impart a foul taste. The planks are then placed out in the sun for about a week, until the meat has become dry and chewy. It can then last for months, and has become a popular type of ration among some adventuring parties as its unique and interesting flavor can be a break from the otherwise dull iron rations and hardtack they might rely on during long trips.